February 2006

In February 2006 I took a business trip to NYC for a client.  To make the most of the trip I took the train to NJ to see my parents.  A storm was steadily approaching.  It was a DFriday night and I sat at their kitchen table calling the airlines to make plans to get out of there.  I wanted to get home.  I had plans in ATL that I didnt want to miss out on.  And so flights were changed and instead of me sticking around for 2 more days with my mom and dad.... my mom drove us to the airport that Saturday so I could get one of the last flights out of the area.
I remember the ride.  I remember the mini van.  I remember my dad sitting in the front passenger seat as we drove up there.  I remember getting out of the van.  I remember talking to him through the passenger window.  He had his big Uncle Jack glasses as I thought of them on and we said goodbye.  Not a forever goodbye but an awkward goodbye.  I remember walking across that sidewalk to get inside the terminal...... dont turn around dont turn around dont turn around... keep walking keep walking keep walking.... I fought back those tears like there was no tomorrow. 
It was one of the last flights to get out on time.  I made it home for Sunday...  And later that week I drove with little issue to ATL and spent a wonderful few days with friends.  I will always recall the aquarium as a highlight even if I was really pissy and whiny that day.
So as others are taking this time of year to mope and whine and cry and sob about being single.... I think about being left behind with only one parent.  I think about that walk into the terminal.  I think about all that has transpired in the past 7 years... and I try to find a way to be thankful... to be grateful....  to not have swollen eyes from crying in the morning....
I approach every day as the glass is half full... I dont know how I got to that point but I have.
I view tomorrow as a clean slate.  As a new beginning.  As another chance to learn and grow.
What will that mean in the end?  Maybe nothing.  But I wont let myself down in the meantime.  And I won't let you down either.

Miss you Daddy.